On losing a fish, and my mind--

There's a fine line between sanity and thinking your computer is a malevolent entity. It's a line I play with sometimes; it's so easy to go over. It almost feels freeing, and fun. Sometimes I can't help it. For instance, the tiny tetras in the fish tank must have thoughts and desires and philosophies that correspond to some I've known occurring in the human mammal. Right? Maybe I just want to make it more difficult for myself to take the sick fish out of the tank; maybe anthropomorphizing fish and computers is a form of empathy, and not crazy cat lady talk.

But what if the computer really is showing me only what it thinks I should see? Maybe what's on the screen is a digitally curated show that only my pea-brain can comprehend. Then why frustrate me with bank account totals that don't make sense, or lack of access to fairly safe, unassuming sites? Why not placate me with constant GIFs (pronounced with a hard G, of course) of Muppets jumping around a stage and singing? Or cat videos?

Maybe all cat videos are put there by the internet. Do we know for sure that Grumpy Cat has a human owner? Who does not have a chip implanted behind one ear, a digital tether to their home computer? Will my computer shut this down before I can hit "publish"?

The fish was placed in a tupperware bowl full of his/her tank water and then sealed and placed in the freezer. I took a twenty minute shower, about the time it takes for the fish to pass. To die. I hate saying the word, or "kill." I killed my fish. But my (human) friends tell me this is the humane way to stop the life force from leaking out kill a fish. Or a reptile. Things I didn't really want to know, honestly.

My computer tells me that the password to the Onstar site is incorrect. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I just re-set it last week! What is going on! Am I unable to handle the vast, intelligent technology of what is essentially Siri for my car? Who determined that?

Tune in tomorrow, when I take a stab at normalcy one again. Historically, results have been varied, so I make no promises.


p.s. the other fish in the take are fine. thanks for asking.