Wearable metalwork based on the skull of a sparrow. If I had seven grand to drop, yes, I'd have it.
I, myself, have not been very crafty lately. Or, I've tried to be, but the results have been less than desirable. I thought it would be cute to make the Prince and his Katamari, but his head fell off and he won't stand and he's slightly burned anyway. B thinks he's solved the basic problems, so we'll try again. The Katamari is actually all right, but then, it's just a fucking ball with little blobs on it.
I'm midway through a horror anthology that claims to feature the newest, freshest voices in horror -- the next generation, supposedly turning things upside down and re-writing the rules of the genre. I'm not impressed. There's far more great writing, and stuff that is truly visionary, on the internet. But -- more on that later. With a handful of stories to go, maybe I'll find something to change my mind.
At any rate, I have read a few stories that have an element or two that's stuck with me. One, Little Red by Peter Straub, has presented me with a bizarre list of guidelines for your life. The past two days have seen me rethinking a few things I normally do, often on a day to day basis. I am always concerned with being a better person, as I am an awful individual, a blight on our race. If I could only incorporate one of these guidelines, it would be: speak no ill of anyone, but especially of those you dislike.
Especially those you dislike!? But... but... I dislike a tremendous number of people! And I derive a tremendous amount of satisfaction by telling a friend all about it in private conversation!
In fact, I've spent a fair amount of time recently cataloguing those who have behaved badly in regards to me, and poring over the evidence that I have so anally kept. With great satisfaction. I fantasize about numbering them, and posting the correspondence for the whole word to see. Another fact: I had forgotten about two of them until yesterday. Forgotten! Finding the old evidence gripped my heart with both morbid satisfaction -- yes, that word again -- but it also felt...
Diseased. Letting go of those incidents, now that would be the healthier route. I know this. And yet, I want to say these things. Perhaps to show a good number of people that I acted with good grace under often unbelievable circumstances, time and time again.
Ah, there it is. The heart of the matter. We want to be validated. We want to be -- yes, let's admit it -- superior. The better person.
And isn't that what I've done for the last six or seven months? Been the better person? It's exhausting, let me tell you.
It's also not very rewarding. And don't give me any of that spiritual mumbo-jumbo.
But if I'm being honest -- and here, for once, in my true voice, I am -- I did feel better about not reacting negatively. And the only thing I might regret is some of the nastiness I've then spewed in private conversation with a third party.
There's an entire internet full of people telling you how healthy it is to "vent." People encourage one another to do so. I'm not here to tell you that keeping it in is healthy, not at all. But perhaps there's more to "don't speak ill of others" than meets the eye. In conversation this week with a friend, I attempted to explain why I will not be confronting someone, laying it all out on the table, as she said. And my reasoning had to do with understanding that particular someone's mindset, how she operates, mentally. How she ticks, yes? Yes. And so I understand why she did what she did, and I also understand that presenting new evidence in this case would still result in the same outcome. But it's not so much a matter of knowing the battle is lost before you begin, but that I cannot change anyone. Everyone is doing the best they can today, even if I do not think it is the best for me. And I accept that.
And perhaps acceptance is the best we can hope for before we move on in our own lives.
And there's one other facet to this guideline: I am a firm believer that like attracts like. Negativity will only beget negativity. Surround yourself with what you want, and make your life the way you want it to be. If I bitch about someone, that's negative energy, and more will come of it.
Well, that last bit's rather New Age-y. But as I said, firm believer. So, to sum up: going to give this guideline some solid effort. I know this means that fairly quickly, perhaps two days at the most, someone will piss me off mightily. I'll try to hold my tongue and accept that they're idiots.