Ain't that some shit. And yeah, you'll have this in your head all day.
Do you know how many people I think of when I'm singing along to this song? MANY. Like A. Yeah, you, A. If you're reading this blog, let me let you in on a little secret: big muscles and a pretty face ain't all that, you barely five-inched prick who didn't even know how to use it. There's more to fucking than the missionary position and OH YEAH girls get to have orgasms too, you fucking dick. And "kissing" does not mean to pry open the girl's mouth and ram your tongue down her mouth. Also, we've got multiple ways to remove back hair these days. I mean, a little fuzz, yeah, I can deal with that. But you're a fucking gorilla. No wonder you hated to remove your shirt. To think I was following your sorry ass around like a little puppy dog. And fucking my best friend at the end of it? Yeah. Fuck you. And fuck her too.
*
I feel like I have lost the ability to write. Like it's gone. Now, in fairness, I am just climbing out after a serious two month depression, which I am not going to complain about because, hey, that's my life sometimes and I deal with it. But I cannot write anything that doesn't sound like utter shit. And now I have made myself this crazy promise, or deal, or something, and I think I am setting myself up for the biggest failure ever. My heart starts to race when I think of it, and I know that when the day comes to fulfill this promise, I am going to crash and burn. And then what do I do? I'm not sure. Sometimes I think, maybe I should really hit rock bottom with this depression thing. Maybe I struggle to stay afloat, and maybe I should let myself sink all the way down down down instead. Maybe if I really become a fucking mess and ruin my entire life, then nothing else bad could ever happen that could be that bad, so the rest would be cake.
I don't know if that makes sense. It seems to make sense right now. I wish I could have a glass of wine right now, but aside from it being quarter after nine in the morning, I am worried about someone's alcoholism and so I feel like I can't even have a drink now. But maybe that fucks up the universe. Maybe if I drink something, she'll have one less. Maybe if I drink nothing when normally, I would have a glass of wine, she then must have extra. Which she don't need, trust me.
I'm going to listen to Cee Lo one more time, or ten, and see what he says. I think, being as he is one half of Gnarls Barkley, that he has got some serious wisdom yo. I think that. Ain't that some shit.
You have managed to replaced Fuck You with Things Can Only Get Better. I never would've believed it possible, LOL.
ReplyDeleteThank you, David. Thank you so much.
Maybe I can´t claim to really know anything, but I´m very sure you haven´t lost the ability to write. I do however believe it´s very possible that you´ve lost the ability to write right now. Maybe you´re mentally exhausted or maybe you´re so fed up with thinking and reflecting that you can´t take anymore of that right now. Or maybe you´re getting to the next level in your writing evolution and your ability to think is ahead of your ability to write and so you hate everything you´re able to write. Or maybe something else.
ReplyDeleteGod dammit! I was gonna add a pic here but I´m so unbelievable sucky at this shit! I tried, but nohooo! I suppose it´s about some html magic that I do not get =( I´m off to look for some comfort porn, you should be as well.
Hi asuqi. Comfort porn... that sounds wonderful. I have found some and will post tomorrow.
ReplyDelete"I'm so unbelievable sucky at this shit!" THIS IS HOW I FEEL. LOL.
Seriously, though, I do feel as if my ideas are ahead of my ability at the moment. I do feel as if I've crossed another boundary, and I'm in another playing field now, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be here yet...
Punctuated equilibrium, it is called. Evolution doesn't happen in one fell swoop; suddenly you're drawing/writing at a higher level. No, no, no, puddin'! You will suddenly create one piece that exceeds your expectations. "Where the fuck did THIS come from?" you ask. Then some subsequent pieces will fall back to your previous level of expertise, depressing you and making you think that the really good one was just a fluke. But no; eventually you will do more and more of the really good ones, until you realize that you are at the next level! Things go swimmingly, until you suddenly do an even better drawing/writing!
ReplyDelete*Sigh* repeat ad infinitum.
Aye yi yi.
ReplyDeleteI think Mimi and Asuqi have some really good points. I won't go into too much detail here--I'll save that for a private email, but you know, I think sometimes, it is okay to feel this way.
Just remember you are on the roller coaster of life and it has it's ups and downs. And also, fuck everyone and everything. That's okay to feel that way too.
As far as your writing--yeah, I bet you are on a new level! This is a good thing. Just trust in yourself. Give yourself a break, walk away for a bit and find yourself again.
You know where to find me...