Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Hugs? Hell no

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who constantly are negative, who always have some sort of complaint. I hold my tongue, but when I see people complain about some things, I want to slap them. I want to say, "Really? You think this is so awful? Why don't you come live my life for one day, and then we'll talk."

I pride myself on being tough, on handling situations. I take care of things, and I generally react to stress by being very productive. My motto: What's the problem? Here's the solution. I have no time for complaining about something when there is a viable solution or when there is no solution and one must simply deal with it.

In other words, shut up and get on with it.

Having said that, I recently mentioned in brief that things have been very difficult for me lately. Unfortunately, I am dealing with two separate situations with people close to me that have reached a truly heartbreaking place. Combined with the day-to-day nonsense of running one's own business and every other little thing, it's just about wrecked me. I don't see what I can do to "fix" either of these situations, because it would mean "fixing" broken people, and that is something I am simply not able to handle. And these are not merely friends or acquaintances that I can walk away from.

What can I do? I've made attempts to talk to these people, but their behavior is impacting severely negatively on my life.

I have watched the tv show "Intervention" since it began. That and "Hoarders," two shows that freak me the fuck out. But now I'm glad, because at one point, I got very frustrated while watching "Intervention." I wanted to scream at the screen: WHY are you doing this? You are ruining your life and making those around you miserable!

And now I know that it's not the people, it's their disease. When they say something hurtful or do something awful, it's their disease. It's not them. And without professional help and the person's willingness to accept it, there is nothing else to be done.

This is causing me such great despair that I am not sleeping and barely functioning. You must also understand that I am a person of action, and if there is nothing I can do, I feel useless. Useless, and as if I am watching people throw their lives away. Possibly literally.

My personal life is something that is usually off-limits, except for things of little consequence or things that might entertain. But I feel compelled to write this because I know that I am not the only one. I know that there are people out there who are dealing with the same issues, and who love deeply certain people, and who feel that their love is not being returned. But I know that I am loved. Just... not by the alcoholism. Which wants me to go away and leave it alone, so it can exist in peace.

I should note, though, that I am taking my own advice in this situation. I've often counselled people, when they are feeling horrible, that they should write. And so I am. I've polished and submitted two pieces that were languishing in the "unsubmitted" folder, and I've been quietly escaping to another world, where a man meets a dragon of little fire but much heart.

Yes. A story with dragons. What, did you think I'd write about the terribleness of addiction or neurotic personality? Ha! You're out of your freakin' minds, my friends. Every time things gets too much, I open up this one file, and I am pulled down a dark alley and up a set of stairs to a barren apartment where a man in threadbare clothes goes eye-to-reptilian-eye with a tiny green dragon. It's a Christmas story. And it makes me feel snuggly and good.

I rarely feel snuggly. Ask B. I am the anti-snuggler. Hugs? Nooooooo!

So that is all for today. You're a kind group to read. No need to offer sympathy, because I know many of you are dealing with either similar issues or your own demons, unrelated to addiction. Perhaps, for example, you have a teenager.

In that case, my sympathies.


  1. Hey, great write!! Looking forward to reading your stories.

    Best wishes (No hugs!), David.

  2. LOL! David, you don't fail for a good cheering up.

  3. I was just thinking about you a little while ago, while I was in the shower (Um... I don't mean that the way it sounds -- honest! It's just that I do a lot of thinking in the shower.), and wondering how you were. You sounded so full of despair in your previous post, and I was even pondering whether I should note you to find out if you're okay.

    I'm sorry that these people that you obviously love are causing you such distress. I'm even sorrier that there is nothing you can do about it. You can't change anyone else, and until they are ready to face and conquer their own demons, all you can do is offer them love. I wish I had something more profound to say. Just know that you are cared about out here in Internet-land, and please look after your own needs, as you really can't do squat for anyone else, ultimately.

  4. Thinking about me in the shower, huh?


    You can't change anyone: this has been an extraordinarily difficult lesson for me to learn. So, now I wait. And offer love.

    Thank you so much, Mimi.

  5. Not going to offer up a bunch of tired cliche's to you. I have a lot of experience with this subject matter, from both sides of the looking glass. I feel for you and you are in my thoughts / prayers.

  6. Thank you, Sean. Both for lack of cliches and for simply saying you understand. It's much appreciated.

  7. I heart you.

    And how I long to read a story about a man and his dragon.... heehee! A man and his dragon.... !

  8. Not *that* kind of dragon, LOL!


    Thank you.