Hello! It's Wednesday again! My Three Word Wednesday piece:
"I can absolve you of all your sins," hissed the snake.
"Look, I'm not falling for this again." Adam crossed his arms and stared into the orchard.
"Are you referring to that silly apple incident? Merely a little missscommunication." The snake twisted around the branch, dipping it with his weight. Olives thunked to the ground below.
"Miscommunication? Sure, and now I've got to wear pants all the time and try to do good deeds." He glared over his shoulder at the snake. "You really fucked things up for me."
"What about me?" said Eve. "I've got to bear big-headed babies. You try doing that without massive amounts of drugs."
"Oh, is it painful? Are you sure that isn't your massive guilt?" snapped Adam.
"What guilt? Over sharing a piece of fruit with you?"
"I was talking about the bj you gave Tom outside Red Lobster last month. Oh! Don't look at me like that! Did you think I didn't know?"
Eve shut her gaping mouth. "What did you expect? It was the first one I'd seen in months."
"Blaming this on me? Because I don't want to sleep with you?" He laughed, short and hard, and said to the snake, "You try keeping it exciting after a few thousand years. Hell, ten years."
"I did try!" said Eve.
As their squabbling went on, the snake thought, Humans. Ridiculously easy prey.
"Ahem. I said, AHEM." He waited until they were both looking at him. "Have we forgotten why we're here? I'm offering you the opportunity to start over. Cleanse your souls, be free of sin, and so on and so forth."
"So... we could get into heaven?" asked Adam.
"Something like that," muttered the snake. "Yesss. All you have to do is eat an olive, each of you. So? Who's in?"
"I don't know..." said Adam.
Eve pushed Adam out of the way. "I am." She plucked an olive from the branch.
"Tut-tut! One from the ground, please." The snake watched her pick up a fallen olive. Adam snatched one up as well. They stared at each other for a moment and then popped the olives into their mouths.
"Ew," they both said.
"Ew, indeed," said the snake. And with a very un-snakelike smile, he watched as their faces contorted with horror, and they began to twist and curve, growing talling, branching out, their flesh silvering and turning hard, their screams eventually muffled by layers of bark, mouths frozen in eternal Os of terror. He dropped to the ground between them.
"Your souls are now cleansed. You are free of sin. When you die, you will undoubtedly get the keys to the kingdom. Of course..." he hissed, winding around their slender trunks, "Olive trees live a long time. Thousands of years, possibly. Unlesssss someone comes along to cut you down. Burn you. Well, I must be going! Enjoy the purity of your new state."
He slithered off through the tall grass, humming a little snake song, and then the grove was once more silent.
Thanks for stopping by and reading!