the shadow in the mirror says:

Blame

Cal blamed me for everything: for her, for the car, the road, even the rain. As if I was some god of misadventure, of sorrow-in-waiting. As if I wanted this to happen.

In the end, she would not let me console her, which left me alone, to console myself, and who can do that? Without the best of bards at my side, I was bereft, and that is a singular thing, so far from consoled.


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I am, at best, a rare blogger (unless you include the running blog in my head, which I suppose you won't). I am, however, a seldom One Word-er. :-) The above came from there. I like it; you should give it a go if you think you might like it.

Last week, I submitted a short story and a novelette, plus a reprint of a short story. This week I am editing a short story and a novella, one of which has a terrible ending and the other which has a good start and not much else. Good luck to me.

Here, have some turtle anatomy:

Fic rec: "Hot Damn" by Martha Stallman; OneWord

Martha Stallman, winner of Playboy's college fiction contest with Hot Damn, presents a blindingly funny, tragic story of a guy who just wants to get to the mailbox so he can pick up his Social Security check and pay the woman who gives him his "girlfriend experience."


Not only is this story a wry farce, but Stallman is another believer in the temple of Parentheses. I secretly love them. My love used to be more open, until a beta beat it out of me. I have now moved on to em dashes, and by god, I won't be swayed! 


Seriously, the story rocks. Totally read it. 


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His Initials Were A.T.

The way he signed his name was pure artistry. I presented sheet after sheet of paper, until the house was his, my love growing with each flourish, each zip of a crossed ‘t’. And then it was finished, and he shook my hand.

It took me a week to master it. Every wall in every room covered with it. And now I need more. Starbucks in one hand, scissors neatly concealed in my purse, I walk to the door of his newest purchase, speech practiced so I won’t stumble over the words.

He opens the door and lets me in.

Who lets a mortgage broker in?

He smiles, I offer coffee, and the scissors grow heavy in my bag.

* 

The above was brought to you by today's OneWord. 

I've been using it as my warm-up exercise for writing. I want to say more about what I've been working on, but I have become suddenly, powerfully superstitious. I was never like this. I always had no problem babbling on about projects. But not this time. 

So... Yeah. But feel free to tell me what you're working on!

The Witch's Lover

The Witch's Lover

We jettisoned the secret offer sent by Spring — a potential error, but who needs crocuses and tree nubs when fallen oak leaves, all damp and black, make the best hats? So we witches, in our sweet time, held the hourglass until dinner, when Autumn’s arrival at our table was met with furtive glances and just the slightest knocking of knees. Spring may be innocent and pure, but Autumn, dear Autumn, we swoon for thee.

Via

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Another OneWord; it makes me write strange things. At least I'm writing!

OneWord and An E-book rec

The Heart is a Prison

The wily Desdemona earned her conviction: that sly bastard Robert at her side, she'd brought old Frangia to the riverside, a bouquet of lobelia in her hair. Green water claimed the men, and Desdemona had taken off on Robert's sweet Indian. She sits across from me in the cell, tempting dandelions to the window ledge with her stare, but tiny suns never bloom in this place, though my love does. Should she find out, I fear it will be me, in the cold, rank waters of our toilet, joining the men as the final part of Desdemona's macabre menage a trois.

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The above is brought to you by today's OneWord.

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I reviewed Amal el Mohtar's The Honey Month last year, and I've just found out that this lovely little book of the fantastic and gently brilliant is now available as an e-book.

A OneWord microflash: The Watch

I tweet about cephalopods and guns, I write about space detectives unexpectedly delayed:

The watch had a toothy grin. Cal tapped it. The time read: dense.

He sighed. Yet another wormhole. Glancing around, he took in all the cats and crooks and pretty girls, and decided that, for once, he deserved a vacation. Even if it was in a no-space, no-time wormhole somewhere beyond the Milky Way.

Lying back, he watched the universe un-turn, and for the first occasion in decades, he turned his phone off.

*

Brought to you by today's OneWord. Trick: I glance through one of my favorites folders on DeviantArt before trying OneWord. It puts an image in my head, so I'm not necessarily a blank slate inspired by the word, but I have to put the word with the image.

In other news, no surprise, but the foster dog is staying a bit longer. She needs fine-tuning of her behavior, but she's pretty awesome. We start a training class in two weeks, and in the meantime, I'm getting her a jump on her classmates with basic training. My goal? Not only to get her adopted to a great home, but to make her one of those very special dogs: A poster child for the pit bull breed. 


For everyone who discriminates against this wonderful breed of dog, I wish I had a picture of her last Saturday, when we took her to our niece's soccer game, and she was literally covered in small children. Or video of her and my German Shepherd bouncing across the yard, merrily chasing balls for hours and dropping them at my feet. Ooh, vicious dogs! LOL! She's a great little girl. 


Now, remember: Despite not writing about cephalopods myself, I will gladly read (and re-tweet!) flash fic about them, if you write some! (hm, pit bull fic, too???)

Three Exercises to Warm Up Your Writing Brain!

 My entry into Lily's Friday Prediction: Seed. What can you say with denounce, thirst, and fertile? Come play!

My Three Word Wednesday piece, Somewhere in a coffee shop in LA (because clearly, I have run out of title ideas -- I even think I've used "Seed" before).

Tweet? Make sure you use the #fridayflash tag!

And how about a little OneWord to get you moving? Mine from today:


He was the last of the singing barbers. As I sat in his chair, he crooned in my ear: grief and love in four-part harmony, though when I looked in the mirror, he was alone. It was the saddest song, and tears rolled down my face, mingling with snips of damp hair. When he was done, he took off the apron and left the shop under the tinkle of a little bell. I’ve never had a haircut since; it grows in silence.

*

A few ways to get your brain warmed up and cranking out the words. And then you can go and write that novel! It will be a bestseller! I will stand in line to get your autograph on my copy! I will ask you to also sign my boobs!


See what doing a few writing exercises can do for you? Think to the future, friends!

OneWord, the comedy issue; Shaggable Men

OneWord thinks they're funny.

For the past several days, I haven't been able to play over there. I have been reading, friends! But I can't write. As soon as I click Go!, it immediately says my time is up. Instantly. As well, a few other features aren't working for me. I've tried logging out and back in, restarting computer (because we all know that restarting your computer is the easiest way to fix anything), and a bunch of other things, to no avail. I tried to message them using their Contact Us! button, but I couldn't.

Then last night, I finally was able to get through using the Contact button. I sent the above info. My reply from tech support:

Maybe it's a sign and your time really is up?

Oh, HAHA, OneWord.

I replied: If the angel of death is communicating with me via the medium of OneWord, my nightly prayers are about to undergo a radical change. Suggestions?

He then told me that they'd upgraded to the latest version of WordPress, which they did to solve problems with other browsers. Apparently, now there's a problem with mine (IE8), and he asked if I could change browsers.

Le sigh.

I suppose I could. Feel free to bash IE if you'd like and tell me what you use. I'm just... Look, I'm just one of those people who wants to turn on the computer and have it WORK. NOW.

And I seriously miss playing OneWord. Mimi's all up in there, and I can't write mine nor reply to hers, and hers are good and I want to plaaaaaay!

*

Okay, enough whining. Hey, at least I only whinge about the small stuff, right? And besides, the guy at tech support, (name deleted to protect the innocent), was awesomely funny last night. I'd find out where he lives and go have a beer with him, but we'd probably spend the entire night trying to out-do one another with teh funny. Also, there is that whole, "I'm in a long-term, seriously committed relationship" thing to think about before having beers with random geeks.

Before I head out for the day -- the long, dreary, depressing work day -- I leave you with my list of totally shaggable tv guys.

1. Mike Rowe. He's hot anyway, but his jeans, holy shit. They look like he bought them one size too small and then stuck them in the dryer for two hours. My only complaint? WTF, cameraman for the Ford commercials, why do you shoot him from the waist up? WHY? You want to sell me a Ford F-150, give me all of Mike. You can even zoom in on his package. Actually, please, yes, do that.

2. The guy from the car insurance ads, "World's Greatest Spokesman." You know him. "Guys! I just gagged. Okay, for every year without an accident, take fifty... No! Take one hundred dollars off her deductible. Hook, line, sinker. Done." Oh, yeah. Don't you judge me! He looks like he'd be a freak in bed.

3. Wyatt. He used to be the weatherman for Fox 2 Detroit oh, two years ago. Yeah. He left to work for a politician. I still think about his puppy-dog eyes and his happy-go-lucky demeanor and his big, broad chest and fine ass.

4. Scott McGillivray, host of Income Property on HGTV. There simply is not a finer specimen of the male form on the planet. His arms are the most spectacular arms ever created, and I say this as a true connoisseur of male arms. He has actually replaced the previous all-time winner of Best Male Arms, Ben, a line cook at a restaurant I used to work at fifteen years ago. Every time Ben put a plate in the window, well, it was heaven for me. But Ben's gone, and Scott is on my television almost every day, and he's got that charming smile and that flippy hair and OMFG, those arms!

5. I'm not 100% on this one, but I'll list him anyway. Mike Wolfe of American Pickers. B wants to be a picker. Of course, last year when he was obsessed with Top Gear, he wanted to host a show about cars and drive cars and maybe just be the Stig. Anyway, this year it's Pickers, and I can repeat, with perfect inflection, their opening. I particularly like doing this part: "And I'm... Frank Fritz." I do it with the same face that Frank's got and everything. "And we're saving the history of America, one piece at a time." Anyway, that Mike, well... I know some girls who should check him out. *coughfangirlscough* No, the resemblance isn't strong enough, but he's wicked wiry thin, he wears perfect jeans for him, he doesn't think twice about clambering over a pile of dusty old stuff, and when he gets excited, he looks like such a little boy, and it's absolutely endearing.

I gotta go do my yoga and weights. I will add (or deduct) to this list periodically.

For those who've been asking about my back: better. Not great, but definitely an improvement. I don't want to stop doing the yoga and weights, for sure. In addition, we've got a Sleep Number bed (which I cannot talk highly enough about), and I went up by 10. The added firmness was slightly uncomfortable at first, but now I love it and I think it's doing wonders for my back.

OneWord, Ramshackle Review, SFaD

Thanks to NewPages, I learned about OneWord. You get sixty seconds to write on a random word.

There is a timer. Yes. And when it's finished, you're finished.

In my pre-tea fugue, I naively clicked. And wrote.

I highly suggest this. Sixty seconds of OMFG TYPE TYPE TYPE!!!! Followed by, OMG, people can see this? Hehe. Do it. That was fun.

*

Now that I'm calm again, I can talk about Ramshackle Review, Mark Reep's newest endeavor. If you follow me, then you know of my love for Mark's art (see the sidebar for a link). He also writes, and now, he's putting on his editor's hat. I'm extraordinarily pleased to have a piece of mine accepted for issue one.

Many thanks to Mark for helping me polish up the piece. I honestly can't wait to see RR up, as Mark has a unique and fascinating vision, and I think RR will be something different and very, very cool on the zine scene.

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i35 of Short, Fast and Deadly: Clothing Optional. Scot Siegel's "Bareback Rider": yes.

Two more themed issues announced. One is ghosts. Go see the other.